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I Dream of You; You Dream of Me
Illustrations by Suzzanna Hart
The Lucid Dream Exchange, 38 (2006), 7-11
The difference between projection (seeing your own ideas attached to another person) and perception (seeing information tht actually originates with that person)
I have a folder in my file cabinet entitled "Dreams About Me." Inside it are copies of other folks' dreams in which I appear, or in which my name is mentioned. The folder is quite thick, but the amount is small compared to the number of dreams I've had of other people. Why participate in this two-way game of personal attention? It's because I'm interested in the perspectives of both the viewer and the viewed. And because I'm trying to teach myself the difference between projection and perception. You've heard of projection, right? That's where you see what you want to see. Instead of perceiving a person, you "project" an image or idea onto him. This image-idea is your concept of the other person and, usually, you don't bother to check with him to see if it's correct. You'd rather be wrapped up in your own fantasy of him. Or your own nightmare. Perhaps you've been the target of projection. You come to work in your dungarees and are mistaken for the janitor. You don formal attire and, suddenly, you're a limousine driver. Your external appearance is a costume that other people use to describe you, but it often does a better job of concealing than revealing who you are. To perceive accurately requires that you find some way to procure information, beyond apparent observation. In terms of co-dreaming, "perception" doesn't mean you have a brightly lit lucid dream with objects and characters in sharp focus. It means that, instead of "projecting" an image that mirrors your ideas of your partner, the image you see carries information that actually originates in your partner. This you will know because whatever you experience in the dreamtime is verified when you wake. Perception requires understanding how much you contribute to dream creation and how important it is to curtail your own augmentation in order to "see" others as clearly as possible. |
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I Dream of You
The distinction between perception and projection didn't hit home until I met my friend and colleague Fred Olsen. After we had known each other for a short while, I told Fred how much he reminded me of my brother, Gerry. From that point onward, whenever I stated something about Fred and he didn't agree, he'd say, "That's not me, that's Gerry." This would bring me up short, make me question whether I was making assumptions about Fred that had no basis in fact. Accurate feedback required that Fred know himself well, which he usually did. However, we all have our blind spots, so if I thought that I was correct about something that Fred denied, I would go to third parties to find out how they perceived Fred. Of course, these had to be folks with fairly clear view screens, too. Sometimes they agreed with me; sometimes with Fred; a few times they had an altogether different slant on the subject. But, because we listened to one another, rather than stubbornly refuse to hear the other's ideas or reject them out of hand, we learned much about ourselves and the other folks as well.
Fred also gave me permission to dream about him. At first I had spontaneous dreams responding to a daytime event. Later, I deliberately incubated dreams for and with him. My dream perceptions of Fred while lucid weren't necessarily better than when I wasn't lucid. I could "project" in the dream state just as much as in waking reality. Sometimes more so.
It was fairly easy to understand when my projections were picture substitutions. I'd wrap Fred in an alternate image, like I plastered my recurrent dream character, Willie, atop other friends and colleagues. Sometimes, the semblance of my brother appeared, but I was actually dreaming about Fred. Once, I dreamt that "Freddy" was pursuing me, the "Freddy" from the "Friday the 13th" movie, that is, instead of the Mr. Olsen who I knew. My dreams could create pictures to describe verbal associations and emotional reactions.
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It was more difficult to determine projection when I dreamt up a literal depiction of Fred. The picture was accurate, but was it really him? Each time, I'd share my dream to solicit Fred's comments. He'd point out what seemed to resonate and what did not. Occasionally, whole dreams would be about Fred; sometimes it was all "my stuff." Most often, it was a combination of the two. This was true for both lucid and non-lucid dreams. My experience with Fred was invaluable. It served as the cautionary model for interaction with other dreamers. Fred was willing to respond to my dreams because the practice paralleled his own dreamwork technique. He didn't tell people what their dreams meant, he asked them a series of questions, so that they might draw out the answers from within. The whole point of the exercise was for dreamers to perceive well, to wake up to an understanding of themselves and their dreams. The two were inseparable because dreamers didn't stand outside their dreams to analyze them. They "re-entered" the dream in imagination and took up the position they had been in the dream. They went back to the perspective of a dreaming self, not a waking persona. They didn't "have" dreams, like objects from afar; they re-lived them from the inside out, like a virtual reality. This is 180 degrees from the common practice wherein the interpreter "projects" his ideas onto your dreams. I've seen more faces light up with realization after ten minutes with Fred than in hours with the projective alternatives. When an interpreter projects, you might learn a lot about him (or his favorite system), but very little about yourself and how your own unique dreaming mind works. Projection is antithetical to self-understanding, unless you're trying to see how great a projector you can be! |
You Dream of Me
How perceptive were other dreamers of me? I was curious to see if there was any difference between people who knew me well and those who did not. Between day residue and psi. Between spontaneous and deliberate events. Between dream views and waking observation. Between lucid and non-lucid dreams.
Lucid dreams were somewhat more accurate than non-lucid dreams, probably because the non-lucid dreaming mind has a greater tendency to wander, and create fanciful tales as a result of that circuitous journey. But lucidity, in itself, provided no guarantee of good results.
It became obvious that a lucid dreamer could be so wrapped up in himself, he couldn't really "perceive" me even if I seemed to stand right in front of him. If he had the habit of being projective in the waking state, that tendency transferred right into his dreams. If he was quite perceptive when awake, then his dreaming views could parallel that attribute.
It's far easier to accept that a dream is about me when it's neutral or flattering than when it's not! But I kept up the practice of consulting with third parties. My family members, especially, have no compunctions about telling me like it is. Whether I'm placed in good light or poor, I need a willingness to look at myself honestly. Easier said than done, of course, but I try.
Some people with the most outlandish dreams turned out to be well known to other folks in the dream or psi communities. Too many people who consider themselves to be "psychic" or "analytical" by profession think it's their duty to tell you who you are and what your dream means. There is no request for feedback the pronouncement is supposed to be true on the face of it. And because they don't bother to verify their intuition or rational judgment, you can guess just how accurate their dream perceptions tend to be. In two words: not much.
Those who sharpen their perceptive tools and keep them sharp through continual testing can be of great benefit to fellow dreamers. The others, well, it makes me wonder how much attention they pay to me while we're awake! I'm probably just a character in their waking dream. Not exactly a realization designed to raise my self esteem. And definitely a practice destined to lead to a relationship meltdown. Projection can be fun and informative when you and your partner acknowledge that's what you're doing. Otherwise, it's likely to be ignorant or disrespectful.
Here are some examples from my "Dreams of Me" folder. Are they projective or perceptive? Most are a little of each. In these cases, the other person has been in touch with me in physical reality and has been able to glean information via normative sensory means.
Absent From the Scene
Some folks have dreams in which I'm mentioned in passing, although they don't actually "see" my visual image. It's often in relation to a research experiment or project goal. When lucid, they'll have thoughts like these.
| I am sitting on a curb on a street in a crowd watching a parade...Now, I remember the Lucidity Project and Linda M.'s suggestion. I jump up and walk right out into the parade and ask two people, "What happened before I got here?" |
I'm happy to report that some people have used me as a lucidity cue. They'll be having a non-lucid dream, think of me and go lucid. But it's not all good news. Diane Bick was fully lucid, thought of me and promptly lost her lucidity!
| I thought, I'm having a lucid dream. I need to talk to those girls and find out what they represent. Oh, and I should do that thing for Linda. Suddenly I was back in bed with a false awakening. |
A few dreamers see no image, but do hear my voice. Most often, it's over a dream phone. Since the phone is just a prop imported from the waking state to aid connection, some dreamers may dispense with props altogether. The most intriguing type of absentee dream is what I call a "busy signal." Dreamworker Linda Reneau had this one.
| Last night I became lucid and remembered I was supposed to contact you. I repeated your name mentally and a woman with an authoritative voice announced, "She's not here. She had to work late." |
So maybe that's why some people can't dream of me. I'm still awake! :-)
Day Residue
| I find myself walking up a hill on the UCSC campus, through a grove of redwoods, returning from a lunch in Santa Cruz. I'm with Bob Trowbridge and Linda Magallón, and Bob is walking between us with his arms around our waists and we're all deep in conversation. |
This hypnogogic flash at the edge of sleep was a literal memory of an event that actually happened. When it comes to lucid dreams, however, the influence of the day is more likely to be symbolic or analogous than literal.
The day residue dream occurs most often when the dreamer has just spent time with me, just seen my photo or received a letter, e-mail or phone call from me. My visual image is part of the scene. Most of these dreams are either reactions to the events of the near past or reveries in which the mind eventually wanders to other topics. A sizable number of my husband's lucid dreams fall into this category.
| (While flying) I remember that Linda had told me that one way to try and materialize people is to call out their names. I decide I am going to call Linda. So I yell out, "Linda Magallón, where are you?" I suddenly see this woman in a white shirt and white Bermuda shorts crossing the street and entering a crowd. The woman yells out, "I'm over here!" and I realize it's Linda. I land by the crowd and I see Linda walking away from where I landed. I lose her in the crowd and am surprised that she is walking away from me. I think, "Darn, she's ignoring me!" and lose the dream. |
Maybe I was ignoring him because I had to work late. :-)
Assignment of Job Role And speaking of work, I'm often dreamt in my role as the facilitator of the dream project. I've been dreamt as a judge several times, which is quite apropos. For a dream telepathy experiment, I'll look for psychic "hits" and for a mutual dreaming project, I'll analyze the dreams for signs of interconnection. Especially if they are less than fully lucid, dreamers can feel "judged." They might worry or feel guilty or frustrated about not doing the assigned task. I've been dreamt so angry and judgmental that I even made the dreamer cry!
Actually, I think dreams like these are far more connected that dreams that have nothing to do with the goal. Whether the dreamers are perceiving me clearly or dramatizing their emotional reactions to my project role, at least the task is on their minds. I give them kudos for that. |
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A participant in one of my formal dream projects will sign a permission statement to indicate how confidential I'm to be when I quote from their dreams. This is another concern that can show up in dreams, although usually in some disguised or transferred form. This one, from Robert Waggoner, gave me a chuckle.
| A woman comes up to me, who looks very much like Linda Magallón. She's wearing a champagne colored silky coat and pants, and she seems very confident. She takes me with her to a nice home. I tell her I'm lucid, and I want to know what's going on. She fixes me a drink - a Bailey's cream kind of drink, which I decline. I decide that she could teach me things, so I say, "Teach me things. Teach me how to develop my psychic powers." She looks at me and says that I'll have to sign a Waiver of Psychic Responsibility. I take a sheet of paper and write, "I accept all responsibility and waive my rights." I worry about signing my name and breaking my lucidity, but scribble "R. Waggoner" and hand it to her. She seems unimpressed. |
Well, now, I do like Bailey's Irish Cream and champagne, but I've never worn a champagne colored suit. In waking reality, that is. But evidently, that's the sort of hue associated with me in the dream state. Here's a dream by another dreamworker in which a similar sort of clothing appears.
| Linda Magallón is there, seeming to be a reporter in a bright, honey-brown suit and carrying a clipboard, but she never uses or even looks at it, and her eyes twinkle playfully - no drudgery for her! She runs about in a little circle shouting, "Fly me! Fly me!" |
Another synchronicity: although it was on a different occasion, Robert dreamt I was carrying essentially the same thing.
| (After flying) I land on the concrete. It's still dark, but there's four or five people around. One person is Linda Magallón, and she's carrying a writing board; in my mind, I know she's taking notes on people's lucid dreaming progress. I see her from the side, and say nothing. |
When we were communicating by snail mail, the amount of paper generated by photocopying and redistributing participant dreams was substantial. So it's not surprising that I would be dreamt in relation to notes or sheets of paper.
° She's busy with her notebook, pen and research notes and keeps her focus on her notes. She doesn't actually say, "Hello," yet there is a friendly sense. ° Linda Magallón is here and I notice she has shorter curly hair. She is sitting at a desk and picks up her notebook to leave. ° I take the page up to Linda Magallón. She's sitting in front of the stage at a small table, about two by four feet. ° Linda M. is sitting at a desk. I'm standing behind her, looking over her shoulder as she picks up a white card and turns it over to look at the picture on the other side. ° Linda comes in and spreads all the drawings out and starts to judge them. We are discussing the pictures and how well they all did. All the pictures are wonderful. |
Yes, pieces of paper with dream reports on them are often dreamt as "pictures." After all, don't dreams "picture" what we write?
I've also been dreamt as a speaker or workshop leader, actual roles I take on when I go to a conference of the International Association for the Study of Dreams. And as a tour guide...to the dream state, I presume. My favorite dreams are when the dreamer sees me fly or in a spirit of play.
| There's some sort of game going on among the shared dreamers. We have to find the rest. Linda has to find us, but she says that if she doesn't she expects us to give her her favorite flavor in ice cream. |
Since nobody yet has given me my favorite ice cream, in or out of the dream state, I guess I found everybody. But if I didn't find you, it's chocolate.
Missing the Ball
° Linda is tickled pink with all the state-of-the-art electronic gadgets she's been able to install in her house. ° Linda and her mom were telling me how mellow the men in their life are, that they don't cause any problems. ° I explain to her that she feels cut off from nature because she is barren of children. ° I told him I would have to find out if my friend, Linda Magallón, will also be available because we are to fly together. |
Miss, miss, miss, miss. I don't even know how to set the time on electronic equipment; I wear an analog watch. Symbolically, I divorced myself from my parents because of the problems they created. I have two children and tend to dream myself pregnant when I'm starting large projects. Whether I take them literally or symbolically, I consider these dreams to be out in left field, not home runs. Instead they are often clues to how the dreamer thinks and feels. It's also a projection for dreamers to consider me "my friend" when they are not. A bit of wish fulfillment, perhaps, but not an accurate assessment of our relationship.
It takes a very lucid dreamer to recognize when their dream of me is most probably a projection.
| "When's the party?" I ask. "Not till later in the day," replies Linda, crisply. She is here fairly short and stocky, with short blond hair, wearing a metallic blue or green pants suit - quite unlike I remember her description. "I want to talk to you about discussing using your dreams as romantic fantasies and daydreams," the woman goes on. "It makes lucid dreaming too popular." Realizing I've not likely connected with Linda at all, but with one of my recent batch of critical characters, I ask as we head for the basement, "Why shouldn't lucid dreaming be popular?" She only grunts. The visuals fade, but I call, "Linda? What do you think of using lucid dreaming for psychic growth or personal integration?" A delay, then the answer, "Minimal." Boldly, "So what do you think they should be used for?" Another delay, then the answer, "30 days." I laugh at that. |
I smiled, too. My first lucid dream was induced by fantasy; I've used dreams for psychic growth and personal integration; and I wish lucid dreaming were more popular. So this dream was 180 degrees from what I'd be likely to say, in or out of the dream state.
However, one of my favorite pieces of clothing at the time was a shiny blue-green pantsuit and I've since gone through a short period when weight and hair color were as described. I also suspect that "30 days" refers to a book I'd been reading by Keith Harary and Pamela Weintraub, Lucid Dreams in 30 Days. My reaction to the book was that in 30 days one might get a taste of lucid dreaming, but not develop an enduring skill. Similarly, true psychic growth and personal integration take a lot longer than 30 days, so the impact of those benefits would, indeed, be "minimal."
Synchronicity? ESP? Wish fulfillment? Conscious or subconscious clues? In any case, we're back to my original contention: most dreams are a combination of projection and perception. The task is to learn to tell the difference. This goal can become quite challenging when sensory is exchanged for extrasensory perception.
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